wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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