You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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