Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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