I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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