Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
third nipple confirmed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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