My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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