Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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