I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
