sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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