he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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