Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
