yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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