So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
