alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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