my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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