How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
