I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
