shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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