There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
