So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
