omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
