I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
