she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
