Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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