Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
