I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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