Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
