If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
