The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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