You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
