I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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