after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
