My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
