It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize