False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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