haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My bed smells like the plague
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