Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
