i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
