Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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