I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
