I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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