He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
