im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
