It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
