i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
