i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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