how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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