so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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