So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
