when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
