I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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