Moan for me like Helen Keller
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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