Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
