is your mom at the bar?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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