So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
