He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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