Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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