ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
