i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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