sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize