that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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