Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
