But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
