maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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