Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
