Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
