Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
