Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
